Friday, 24 January 2014

The Times, They are A-Changin'

I don't know about you, but change freaks me out. I don't know if it's the control freak part of me that needs to know what is going to happen ALL THE TIME, or if it's just a normal person thing. I mean, let's face it. Change means unknown. Unknown means room for error. Error means things go wrong and when things go wrong...well, that's when the panic sets in.

Due to my anxiety, I try my very hardest to keep everything "perfect". I try my best to be perfect, and if it's not perfect, not do it at all. In my crazy head, when I screw up, it is a reflection of me as a person, which means I am a screw up, if there is a screw up. Therefore, why bother doing something if I'm going to feel this way? It's extremely risky. So this weird, anxious fear that I have keeps me from doing and trying a lot of things because if I can't do it perfectly the first time, I don't want to do it at all.

I know what you're thinking..."Well, that's no way to live" and you're totally right. It's not. I live in a very safe bubble and if it weren't for some key people in my life, I'd probably stay in my safe bubble forever. I mean heck, I never would have trained for a half marathon out of my own volition. It was only because someone told me I could and as it turned out, I was actually OK at running.

Anyway, the point is, I'm scared of change and right now, there is A LOT that is about to change in my life. What freaks me out the most right now is I don't know what this change will bring. I'm scared of not being able to have a plan and of not having a way to control what the next 6 months, year, year and a half are going to bring. However, it is inevitable. So I can either just learn to cope from my safe little bubble OR I can embrace change. Since I don't want to spend the rest of my life being afraid of the future, the option I am going to pick is, embrace.

So how does one embrace change, or better yet, how does one LEARN to embrace change?

One day at a time - One thing I've learned from my good friends in AA is "One Day at a Time" To me this means, instead of always looking 1 day, 1 week, 1 month, 1 year ahead, live in the present moment. I can't control everything that is going to happen tomorrow, but what I CAN control what is happening today and can make choices that will help my future. 

Another one from my AA friends. It pretty much says it all.

Keep moving - I've been on a roll recently with my workouts, and I can tell you, I feel amazing. However, I have yet to have a shitty workout, and I know as soon as I do, I'll be tempted to stop (you know, that whole "I have to be perfect" thing). I need to remember that exercise is the single BEST thing I can do for myself during these times. Whether it be Zumba, Running, Pilates or whatever, as long as I'm moving and pushing myself, I know I'll get through it.

So my friends, the times, they are a-changin' and gosh darn it, I'm going to embrace it. Probably.

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